


The Fast and the Amorous

by Josies



Series: No Saints Without Sinners [19]
Category: Saints Row
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Pining, Post-SR2/Pre-SR3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josies/pseuds/Josies
Summary: Even as a world-wide super celebrity, the Boss is still being, well, the Boss: competitive, reckless, and drunk off her ass.
Relationships: Boss (Saints Row)/Johnny Gat, Female Boss (Saints Row)/Johnny Gat, Shaundi (Saints Row)/Others
Series: No Saints Without Sinners [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/737709
Comments: 27
Kudos: 39





	The Fast and the Amorous

**Author's Note:**

> Times are hard, so I'm here to offer you all some soft idiots 😌💕 I also came to the conclusion that Shaundi's constantly pissed off in SR3 bc she had to deal with the Morenos for 3 years. She deserves an award.

* * *

**May 2011**

* * *

Pierce hurries his way through the corridors of the hospital, finishing his can of Saints Flow and dumping it into the next trashcan he passes by. It's past midnight, probably closer to one in the morning, as he yawns while keeping an eye on the numbers next to the doors, looking for the right one. Shaundi called him about twenty minutes earlier and from the furious tone of her voice he could immediately guess that the Boss and her brother had done it again — burned down another celebrity's house, or started a riot, or whatever the hell else they do now to entertain themselves. He didn't need to know the details, really, only the instructions on where to go.

He does a double take on the number of the next door he walks by, turning on his heel and spotting the right room on the other side of the corridor. The door is ajar and he can see Johnny sitting on the edge of a bed, talking low and stroking the Boss' cheek. Pierce stops in his tracks. He's never seen Johnny act like that, or do something like that, to anyone. Ever.

"You gotta stop doin' this shit," Johnny says. "You'll get yourself killed."

Doris tilts her head to the side, into his touch, smiling a little. There's a large bruise turning darker on her other cheek, and an impressive line of stitches near her hairline. "You worry too much, Johnny," she replies softly. "I'm fine."

"You flew through the windshield twenty feet before hittin' the pavement, got yourself bruised worse than that one kid I canonized last month, broke your wrist, two ribs, and nearly broke your neck," he says as he nods at the white brace around her neck.

"Yeah," she laughs, pleasantly high on whatever the nurse gave her for the pain just before Johnny arrived. "If you think that's awesome, you should've seen the race."

"It ain't awesome, Doris," he says and frowns at her, using her name to try and show her how serious he is for once, but the pout she gives him back softens him surprisingly fast. He rolls his eyes behind his sunglasses before giving in. "Yeah, fine, it's pretty awesome."

She laughs again and lifts her cast-free hand to place it over his. Johnny's palm is large and warm, and she snuggles her cheek into it, using the opportunity to receive affection from him. He slides his thumb over her cheekbone and moves a stray wave of purple hair behind her ear. She closes her eyes. Maybe she pretends to be more intoxicated than what she really is. She doubts he would touch her like this if they were both sober.

"You shouldn't drive while drunk, though," he says.

"I wasn't driving in traffic."

"Doe."

_"¿Que?"_

"You know what I mean."

"How'd you get here so fast?" she asks, changing the subject.

"I was close by."

"What were you doing?"

"Murderin'."

She opens her eyes to give him a scolding look. "Without me?"

"Yeah, I didn't wanna bother you with it. Sorry, angel." He offers her a sheepish grin, in hopes she will forgive him for doing their special pastime by himself. They really don't get to do it often enough these days, and it bothers Johnny, but at the same time he finds himself wanting to keep her from unnecessary harm.

That plan isn't working as well as it could, obviously, given she's lying in a hospital bed right now.

"Who'd you kill?" she asks, having already forgiven him. She notices a blood stain on the collar of his white shirt.

"Remember that guy who crashed the party last week, said he'll kill you and desecrate your grave, and then ran like a little bitch?"

"Yeah?"

He flashes her a smug grin, now. "Well, he continued bein' a little bitch when I went to pay him a visit."

"Johnny," she sighs, "I told you he's no real threat and there's no point in going after him."

"And I told you I meant it when I said I won't let anythin' happen to you."

She sucks her lips in. His words make the warmth in her chest spread through her body. The first time he said it was over a year ago. Despite of how drunk she was that night, she can still remember how it made her feel. She wishes she could see his eyes more than ever. He moves closer to her on the bed, and his face is so near her own; his stupid, handsome, perfect face. "Then why am I in a hospital?" she asks in a playful tone.

Johnny chuckles. "'Cuz you're like a reckless kid who sets the house on fire when I turn my back for five seconds."

"True," she admits while pursing her lips into a grin. "But don't say it like that's not exactly what you do when I turn my back for, like, three seconds."

Pierce shifts in his place, _what the hell, these assholes are being so cute,_ unsure whether he should interrupt the moment they are having, or just walk away and go increase his stake on the on-going bet he has with Shaundi about whether the Boss and Gat will get together, or not, and when exactly that might happen. 

"Don't stare at me so close, I look awful," Doris says back in the room.

"You look beautiful," Johnny replies truthfully. He doubts he could ever tire of studying her features or catching her smiles. All he can think about is pressing his lips to hers.

"Liar."

"You always do. Ain't nobody more gorgeous than you right now."

She smiles. Johnny's compliments hit different than anybody else's. It's like he's made it his personal mission to convince her that she's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, and she doesn't mind. She doesn't mind at all. Her eyelids feel heavy and she lets her eyes fall shut while he strokes her cheek with his thumb. She's silently praying for him to take the opportunity and close in the distance between them.

Outside of the room, Pierce gets pulled back into reality from the depths of his scheming mind, when he hears footsteps and voices approaching just around the corner. He has no reason to panic, but with Saints Flow messing with his nervous system, he does, anyway.

"Yo!" he greets the Boss and Johnny loudly before pushing through the door into the room.

Johnny's hand drops down from caressing Doris' face, but she still stares at him with an inebriated longing for a few seconds longer, before accepting that the moment she aches for has passed.

"What's up?" Pierce asks. "You in trouble?"

She glances at him as she sinks into the pillows behind her back. "No?"

"Then what am I doin' here?"

"How would I know? I didn't ask you to come."

"Well, Shaundi did."

"I don't know how many times I gotta tell you that you taking orders from her sounds like a _you_ problem," she replies, reaching for her purse to rummage through it for a lipstick and a compact powder. Her cheek might be swelling up, but at least she can make sure that her lipstick's on point.

"Are you sayin' I got outta bed for nothing?" he asks, frustrated, as he drops down to a chair next to a sink and a wall cabinet. "I got a radio interview in the morning, man."

"I'm sorry—who wants to hear you talk?"

"You set it up for me, Boss," he replies with a fed up expression.

She squints her eyes, trying to remember doing so. She can't. "Right."

"Anyway," he says while continuing to frown at her, "where's Felipe?"

Doris grabs a hold of the curtain next to her bed and pulls it over, revealing Felipe dozing off on the bed next to hers. There's a cast on his left leg, reaching from his foot to his knee, and a large part of his jaw is covered by road rash.

"Hey, fucker!" She bangs the rail of his bed with her hand repeatedly. "Wake up, bitch."

Felipe startles awake, but the second he sees his sister, a wide smile lights up his face. _"¡Buenos días, chiquita!"_

"This shit-for-brains crashed his car into mine to stop me from crossing the finish line," Doris explains.

"Maybe, but I still won," Felipe says with his smile turning into a big grin.

She frowns. "For the last time, you didn't fuckin' win."

"I made it to the finish line. You couldn't even do that."

"Yeah, maybe you made it, but your car didn't," she reminds him.

_"Ay, perdón,"_ Felipe stretches the last word to make sure his sarcasm doesn't go unnoticed. "I wasn't aware of any rules statin' the racer has to be inside a vehicle when crossin' the finish line."

"It was a fuckin' _car race_ , Felipe!"

Johnny looks over at Pierce with his eyebrows raised. Pierce shrugs his shoulders back at him as the siblings fall into another one of their typical fights. Doris throws a pillow, plastic cups and her phone at her brother while cursing him, Felipe laughs, they begin to yell exclusively in Spanish. Nothing out of ordinary.

They stop bickering with each other only when Shaundi storms into the room, makes her way to Felipe's bed and smacks his arm with her fist. "I swear to God, you're actually killing me!"

Felipe smiles and tries to grab her hand to pull her in for a hug. "Hey, snuggle bunny—"

"Don't you dare!" she snaps at him as she slaps his hand away.

"But Shaundi—"

"You broke your leg!"

"It's nothing—"

"His bones are shattered," Doris interrupts Felipe unhelpfully, receiving an annoyed glare from him for adding fuel to the fire. She smiles back at him.

_"Killing me!"_ Shaundi yells as she spins around to face the window while pinching the bridge of her nose.

"You're a fuckin' snitch," Felipe says, pointing an accusative finger at Doris.

Shaundi spins right back around to slap his arm. "Don't talk to your sister like that!"

"But she—"

"He dislocated his shoulder, too," Doris says.

Felipe throws her the meanest glare he manages to pull on his face while high on painkillers. "Listen, you little shit—"

"You owe me a fuckin' car," she interrupts him.

"No, I don't."

"Seriously," Shaundi slams her hands against the rail of Felipe's bed to get their attention, "what's wrong with you two? Why are you like this?"

"Like what?" Felipe asks, genuinely clueless.

"Irresponsible, chaotic, suicidal, selfish children!" She raises a finger with each point she makes on their shared personality traits.

Doris snorts. "Speak for him."

"No, I mean you, too!" Shaundi points a finger at her. "You're always provoking him into doing stupid shit!"

Doris blinks once, twice, too high to come up with anything plausible to say. She looks at Johnny, as if he could save her from Shaundi's justified wrath.

"Yo, don't look at me," Johnny says. "She ain't sayin' anythin' that ain't true."

Doris pouts at him, but her charm doesn't work this time. "We were just doing a Saintsbook live," she says as she turns back to Shaundi. She's glad there's a whole bed separating them.

"Yeah, I know!" Shaundi hisses, managing to keep her voice down, now, as they are in a hospital and despite of the company she keeps, she still has manners. "It's all over the goddamn news and the parking lot's swarming with paparazzi! Great publicity!"

Felipe sits up straight to get a word in, most likely thinking what he has to say would help calm his girlfriend down. "Any publicity is goo—"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Shaundi warns him.

"We gotta give the fans what they want," Doris says.

"Then explain why your Saintsbook lives always seem to end up with one of you almost dead? You think that's what the fans want?"

Both Doris and Felipe start shrugging their shoulders and muttering in Spanish, their voices rising as they clearly turn on each other again.

"English!" Shaundi snaps before the siblings get into throwing stuff at each other.

"You're gonna get me that car by Monday, or Johnny will break your other leg, too," Doris states to her brother.

"He wouldn't!" Felipe huffs, offended by the mere thought.

Johnny shrugs a little. "Well—"

Felipe gasps in an exaggeratedly dramatic manner. "Judas," he whispers, staring at Johnny in disbelief.

"You almost got her killed, man," Johnny reminds him.

"She's fine!"

"And I have to admit, once again," their doctor interrupts them as he walks into the room, "that's a sort of a miracle, really."

Doris straightens her posture on the bed while stealthily pulling her neckline down a little more. Even Shaundi fixes her hair quickly as she turns to face the doctor. He's tall and fit, and his curly, brown hair is styled almost too perfectly. It's like he walked in straight from a hospital drama show. 

"You know me, Doc," Doris says in the flirtiest voice any of them have ever heard. "I'm God's little miracle."

"Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're injuring yourself on purpose to end up here," he says with a subtle smile from behind his patient files.

"Why would I do that?" Doris asks, acting coy. "I know you don't date your patients."

The doctor laughs, showing off his perfect set of teeth, and Johnny has a hard time hiding his frown. His hand drifts to Doris' thigh, slightly squeezing it for a second, as if to silently communicate something to her, or maybe to the doctor. Neither seem to notice, though.

"I feel obligated to remind you that the twenty million dollar insurance you have for your face doesn't cover self-inflicted injury," the doctor says while eyeing the wound near Doris' hairline. "Our on-call plastic surgeon did great work, but I'm afraid that might still leave a scar."

"The crash wasn't my fault, though."

"Wait—mine's only thirteen million," Felipe butts into the conversation after taking a few seconds to contemplate what he just heard.

"Yeah, I upgraded my insurance," Doris says as a nurse enters the room, stealing the doctor's attention from her.

"Why?"

She throws him a contemptuous glare, like she's annoyed for having to explain something so obvious to him. "'Cause I'm hotter." 

His jaw drops. "Didn't we agree we just as hot?"

"Oh, honey," she says, offering him her most condescending smile. "We might share the same genes, but even Image As Designed doesn't offer enough operation options to ever get you to my level."

_"Oye—"_

She grabs the curtain and yanks it over to separate their beds. "I'm done looking at your ugly face."

He pulls the curtain out of the way just as fast. "What the hell makes you think you're hotter than me?"

"First of all, my net worth's higher," she says. "Second of all, have you seen me?"

"Have you seen your nose?"

"Excuse me?"

"Excused," he says as he points to the other side of the room, where Pierce is sitting. "There's a mirror right there, go take a look."

Johnny starts laughing and Doris immediately punches his arm. He grabs his arm and blows out air through his teeth over the pain. He always forgets she becomes remarkably strong when angry and drunk.

"Did you have somethin' to contribute to this conversation, Gat?" she asks in the kind of tone that lets Johnny know he should think carefully about what he's going to say next.

"No," he groans, going for the safest option while rubbing his arm, "nothin' at all."

Shaundi sighs quietly to herself as she folds her arms over her chest. She's an only child herself and she doesn't understand the relationship the Morenos have; most of the time they're downright awful to each other, but if an outsider attacks them in any kind of way, they both turn into wild animals tearing apart the threat to protect one another. She's met their lovely mother several times, and she can't help wondering what their father was like for them to turn out the way they did, but Felipe refuses to talk about him altogether, and she still hasn't gathered up enough courage to ask the Boss. In fact, they have a whole legal team protecting their past from the media, which only makes her unbearably curious.

All in all, it's complicated — they're out of control to the point they tire her out like nothing else before, but still, it's too hard for her not to love them with all of her heart.

"Yo, Doc, so are they free to go?" Pierce asks after the nurse leaves. "Some of us supposed to be sleeping right now."

"I could go for a beer right now," Felipe says while stretching his arms, flinching at the pain in the shoulder he dislocated.

"You're not drinking for the next three months," Shaundi announces.

"That is solid advice," the doctor agrees with a nod of his head. "I'd suggest you stay overnight 'cause of the concussions both of you suffered, but," he pauses to sign some of the papers he's holding, "I know you won't."

"He does know us," Felipe says to Doris.

"I sincerely hope you show up for the follow-ups, and that neither of you will try to remove your cast on your own this time."

"Yo, hold on," Pierce says. "I ain't sayin' we should see if Felipe gets it right the third time, but we really should." 

"Boy, you lookin' to lose more money?" Doris asks with an amused laugh. So far Pierce has lost a bet about Felipe's inexplicable need remove his own casts to her twice and he's no doubt looking to gain his money back.

"Stop betting on the cost of my boyfriend's health, or I'll tie your balls into a bow tie," Shaundi says, addressing her warning to Pierce exclusively.

"Just," the doctor lets out a sigh as he turns around at the door to face them, "please don't violate each others' bodies. As much as I like having you as my patients, I don't wanna see any of you in the emergency room for the next few months."

"Well, somebody's having unrealistic expectations," Doris replies while adding powder to her face. She needs to look her best in front of the reporters Shaundi mentioned, as she suspects they won't leave until they get a glimpse of her and Felipe.

"A man can dream," he says with a smile. "Now, you two have your prescriptions and follow-up dates, and I still have other patients to attend to tonight. Try to stay safe and healthy, all right?"

"It's really starting to sound like you don't want me around." She snaps the compact powder shut and moves her gaze up slowly to meet his eyes. "I'm not used to that."

An amused grin tugs up one corner of his lips, showing off his teeth again for a moment. "Goodbye, Miss Moreno," he replies as he walks out of the room with one last glance at her.

"Just face it already," Felipe says. "He ain't interested."

Doris turns to him, looking like she's ready to throw hands despite of her broken wrist. "You wanna bet, bitch?"

"Oh, my fucking God," Shaundi sighs. "Shut up already, both of you."

"Shaundi, _mi corazón,_ " Felipe takes her hand into his to kiss her knuckles, "can I have at least one beer?"

"No."

"I don't need that," Doris says as she points at the wheelchair Johnny drags next to her bed.  
  
"Get in the wheelchair, Boss," he replies without giving a shit about her objections. "Like it or not, I'm gonna roll your ass outta here."

She frowns, refusing to move. "Felipe's the one who needs his ass rolled out."

"He can crawl outta here for all I care."

"Bro," Felipe says with a miserable pout.

"You get her that car and then we can talk about bein' bros again," Johnny says as he gathers up Doris' purse and jacket to hang them on the backrest of the wheelchair.

"Why ya gotta hurt my feelings like this?"

"Shouldn't have tried to cheat your way through the race like the li'l bitch you are," Doris quips.

"It does serve you right, and you know it," Shaundi agrees.

Felipe pulls the curtain back between the beds to block Doris' smug face. "You, too, snuggle bunny?"

"Oh, shut up," Shaundi says, rolling her eyes as she waits for Pierce to bring a wheelchair over and help her with getting Felipe out of the bed.

"Come on, Boss," Johnny says, offering Doris his hand and leaning down a little as he helps her up, to be able to whisper the words only meant for her ears. "Lemme roll your cute, li'l butt home and massage you up real good in bed."

Her lips curl into a subtle grin. "Oh? You'll do that for me?" she asks in a soft, low tone, wrapping her arms around his neck with the privacy provided by the curtain.

His hands find their way to her hips, pulling her in closer. "You know, to make sure you ain't in any pain."

"I see."

"I mean, if it don't bother you I ain't a doctor."

She tilts her head, sinking her fingers into the short hair at the back of his neck. "You know I was just having fun, baby-boy."

He knows, or he should know. She's always flirting, always looking for the attention. He never minded it before. "If you say so."

They can hear Felipe giggling behind the curtain, and judging by the noise, Shaundi and Pierce are having trouble getting him into the wheelchair. That buys them some more time.

"I wouldn't pick him over you to take me home tonight," Doris says, her voice honey and fudge and cream liqueur. He can't decide which, or maybe all of them is the correct answer; he's already too deep into thinking about helping her take her clothes off. Seeing her naked always feels like the first time.

"Good, 'cuz I was about to go beat that guy's ass."

She starts laughing quietly, losing her balance for a second. He holds her tighter and she reaches up to kiss his cheek. "You're so cute like that," she whispers against his skin before pulling back.

"That's me."

"I do have a question, though."

"Yeah?"

"Does that massage scenario happen to include your head between my legs?" she asks while running her finger slowly down his chest, taking advantage of touching the patch of tanned skin his shirt leaves uncovered.

He nods. "Absolutely."

"Okay," she presses another kiss to his cheek, closer to his ear this time, "but you better roll my ass to Freckle Bitch's first," she says as she wipes lipstick off his skin with her thumb and finally lets him lower her to the wheelchair. "I'm starving."

"Sounds like a deal."

Felipe tries to bet on Pierce rolling him out of the building the fastest, and Pierce is in on it, but Shaundi puts a quick stop to Felipe aggravating his sister on purpose by giving his head a good slap, ignoring the way it makes him whine about the concussion he suffered only hours before. As they move through the corridors behind the other three, Doris reaches for Johnny's hand, kissing his palm and snuggling her cheek into it again, leaning into his warm touch for as long as she can, until they exit the hospital and face the cameras waiting to capture photographs for yet another headline about the Saints.

* * *


End file.
